As I add another year to this ongoing saga I like to call my life (yup, another birthday), I look back to see what I have learned and all the experiences I have had. Sometimes it is hard to see all the good that has happened because life has thrown so many challenges my way – I never imagined how much I could be tested over such a short period of time, “why me?” I often ask myself.
Some friends have commented that they don’t know how I have managed to keep it together, I also wonder myself. Sometimes I think about “Karma” (the idea of Karma I will leave for another day) and wonder if I must have been a complete a-hole in my past life, other times I think that I am being tested for something great – at this rate I expect that I am going to save the world sometime in the future!
Now I am just feeling sorry for myself! Joking aside, life throws challenges and obstacles your way when you least expect it, some small others just damn huge! I find life has been like an emotional roller coaster lately, most of which I don’t think I deserve …but then again we never think we do. I often wonder “How did I get here? What did I do wrong?”. The answer I come up with is “That’s just life, it won’t always turn out the way you hope or expect it too. You just have to roll with punches.” Not the best answer, but perhaps a realistic one? I am a fighter, I am a survivor, I have too much to live for not to fight. I never take the easy route just because, I will always take the route I believe is right for me no matter how risky, it is who I am.
One friend also commented that they are amazed how strong I am mentally. Am I? I don’t know, I think it boils down to my philosophy again. I spend a lot of time analyzing myself, what do I need for emotional strength, what makes me tick? I try to rise above everything and look at the big picture, sometimes you need to get out of the weeds and look down from above. Plus Starbucks always helps, in Starbucks right now as I write this ☕.
So how do I deal? After I stop feeling sorry for myself, I take it one step at a time. Some things are totally out of my control, those I just have to leave alone. I can’t spend or waste time worrying about things that I can’t control. The rest is handled with baby steps. As each step shows some progress this helps keep the spirits up as you see things head in the right direction. Naturally one is in a hurry but as long as things are moving in the right direction then that is all that matters. As long as you get there, it does not matter how long it takes. Hopefully you can begin to enjoy the journey as well.
With all of this, help is always needed. It is too hard by oneself. This is also when you find out who your true friends are. Friends, I find, are instrumental in keeping you positive, offering advice, and just being there to listen. Friends make the journey easier, and more enjoyable.
Theses challenges and how you deal with them help define who you are, and more importantly who you will be. Life is never easy, but nothing worthwhile is.
In the end of the day, I think it is a state of mind, and the key is to stay positive and believe that you can do what needs to be done. Everybody needs different things to help stay positive, you just need to find out what it is you need. Know oneself, believe in oneself, become enlightened.
“Defeat is a state of mind”